One of the major uses of the Enneagram is how it can majorly influence relationships with family, friends, romantic partners, and even co-workers. Managing interactions with other people becomes much easier when we understand our own behaviors, motivations, and fears. The Enneagram Evolved by Elly J. Tomlin takes this understanding further by having us think about how the 27 subtypes of the Enneagram affect our relationships.
Fundamentally, the Enneagram reminds us that every person has a different outlook on the world, the people surrounding them, and their interactions. For instance, a Type 9, also known as the Peacemaker, will focus on making peace and resolving conflict while a Type 8, the Challenger, will focus on peaking control of a situation through assertiveness. Understanding these differences enables people to avoid misconceptions which aids in forming stronger relationships with more empathy.
What makes The Enneagram Evolved helpful for relationships is Elly’s attention to the Social (SO), Sexual (SX) and Self-Preservation (SP) instincts that drives our behavior. Each of the subtypes have an impact on our relations with other people, both on a personal and professional level. For instance, a Type 3 with a Social instinct may be achievement-oriented and success driven in group activities, while a Type 3 with Self-Preservation instinct strives for security and success on an individual level. This difference can be important within one’s private life and career.
Elly motivates her audience to assess the impact their Enneagram type and instinctual subtype has on their style of speaking, emotions, and even approach to conflict. For example, when Type 1 (the Reformer) is at conflict, the emphasis is going to be on the “right” way of accomplishing something, while a Type 4 (the Individualist) will use more emotion and personal relevance. With such understanding it is always possible to alleviate stress between parties and enhance the communicative process.
What inspires me the most in The Enengram Evolved is the way her Elly tackles the topic of relationships. This book explains more than just how we relate to others; it explores how we can leverage the Enneagram in ways that deepen and enhance one’s relationships. Elly illustrates through guided exercises, self-reflection prompts, and real-life examples how the Enneagram can serve as a healing and growth tool. With the help of each subtype’s particular challenges and strengths, readers can come to learn how to nurture authentic selves and compassion in their relationships.
Miscommunication and a lack of emotional connection is a strain faced by many relationships. The Enneagram Evolved gives practical advice on how to foster meaningful bonds. Enjoying the ups and downs of romance? Looking for better relationships in the office? The Enneagram offers insight for better and more fulfilling interactions.