Have you ever wondered whether your personality is truly a reflection of who you are, or if it is something you built to survive the world around you? Elly J Tomlin’s The Enneagram Evolved invites readers to ask a radical question: is your personality actually helping you grow, or is it just keeping you safe?
For many people, the traits they identify with, helpfulness, independence, optimism, loyalty, are actually deeply ingrained coping mechanisms. These traits are not inherently bad, but when they go unchecked or unexamined, they can act as protective armor, hiding the authentic self underneath.
Coping vs. Thriving: What is the Difference?
Coping patterns emerge in childhood. They are shaped by fear, unmet needs, or early emotional environments. You may have learned to overachieve to earn approval (Type 3), people-please to feel needed (Type 2), or disconnect to avoid overwhelm (Type 5).
These patterns help you function, but they can limit you when you confuse them for your identity. Tomlin explains, “Your personality is not your truth. It is your strategy.” And that is where the Enneagram becomes more than a typology, it becomes a tool for liberation.
Signs you are stuck in a Coping Pattern
Tomlin outlines key signals that your type structure is in control, not your essence:
- You feel anxious or resentful when you are not acting “like yourself.”
- You are praised for your strengths but secretly feel unseen.
- Your go-to traits (planning, supporting, distracting, controlling) feel exhausting.
- You fear what will happen if you stop “performing” your type.
For instance, a Type 1 may fear chaos so deeply that their pursuit of perfection becomes suffocating. A Type 7 may chase adventure to avoid inner emptiness. These are not flaws, they are brilliant, learned ways of coping. But they are not the end of the story.
Moving From Personality to Presence
Tomlin offers a roadmap for moving beyond personality-based coping and into presence. This includes:
- Identifying your patterns without judgment
- Understanding your subtype and how it drives behavior
- Practicing nervous system regulation so you feel safe enough to change
- Tuning into your essence traits, those grounded, quiet parts of you beneath the ego
Essence for a Type 9, for example, is not passivity, it is peace with presence. For a Type 8, it is not control, it is powerful compassion. Tomlin helps readers move from fear-based behavior into these essence expressions through intentional awareness and daily practice.
Letting Go of the Armor
The shift from coping to thriving begins when you realize you do not need to earn your worth through your type’s behaviors. You are already worthy. And your personality, while helpful, is not your identity.
Tomlin reminds us that we do not evolve by rejecting our personality, but by witnessing it lovingly. “When we soften around the self we built,” she writes, “we begin to meet the self we have always been.”
In the end, the goal is not to stop being your type. It is to stop being ruled by it. That is where transformation, and true thriving, begin.